Our guest blogger – John Donaldson – gave us such incredible NUGGETS in his last blog (here), that we had to give you guys a part 2!!! See what John suggests on how to solve the issue of unrealistic expectations!
Okay, so like I said before I believe that unrealistic and unhealthy expectations that are formed before marriage are the reason why so many are getting divorced after they get married!
Let me say this again! Too often Singles are forming unhealthy and unrealistic expectations for their future spouse and that’s DANGEROUS!!!!
So… How do we stop this?
What defensive measures can we take to make sure that either we don’t end up in a tragic divorce? OR how do we not waste this beautiful season called Unescorted and stay balanced in our dreams for a future marriage? How can we as singles avoid being afraid of dreaming again (in a healthy way) of someone that we are to spend life with. And lastly, how do we lay down our expectations and trust God with our deepest desires of what we want our marriage to look like?
I think there is more than one solution, but I want to highlight a few:
1. Deepen your relationship with God.
People often wrongly relate to God. He is mighty, Holy and perfect – but we don’t have to be that to hang out with him. He wants us to come as we are, and THEN he changes you to be more like him. I say that to say we have to view God as a friend who can relate to us. He loves us and understands us! When you get closer to God he can show you what you SHOULD expect and what you should NOT! When you reach depth in your relationship with God, you begin to develop healthy expectations of people and extend Grace to them like God does for you!
ALL people and ALL relationships have peaks and valleys.
2. RESPECT marriage DON’T WORSHIP it as an idol.
This is a hard truth to swallow – the root of unhealthy and unrealistic expectations is idol worship. Too often out of loneliness and discontentment Singles will deceive themselves to think that once we get married, then we will be happy and content. You need to find your contentment in God, in any season – any person, place or thing that you go to for this satisfaction besides God is an idol.
Marriage is a beautiful concept crafted by God Almighty to reflect Himself to us – but it is not to be worshiped. Worshiping marriage also leads to that “this ain’t what I pictured” thought because whenever you do get married, like we previously discussed, you don’t have healthy and realistic expectations of marriage so it will never live up to your IDEA, and you will inevitably be left disappointed and confused.
3. Trust God!
Scripture tells us that God gives us the desires of our hearts! Those deep desires you have to be married and find joy in a marriage – those are desires from Him! God gave Adam, Eve. He gave Abraham, Sarah. And He’s given millions of men their wives, why? Because nothing makes him happier than for godly men and women to come together in marriage. There is so many blessings in marriage! The problem is we’ve perverted and added to this desire he’s given us.
Just lay down your expectations and trust God to fulfill those desire HE PLACED IN YOUR HEART IN THE FIRST PLACE. He ain’t no tease.
Well yall thats all I got fo ya. Listen, let God evaluate your heart! By hanging out with God consistently he will show you how to take down any unrealistic and unhealthy expectations you have for marriage. Find a mentor, find other people who are in your same season!
I pray that you are Blessed beyond what you deserve, Godbleshyall! #mobn