He’s Not My Type

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Okay people, we’ve all been there. I know I’m not the only one guilty of saying this when I don’t find someone physically attractive (just being real). For the most part, we say this when we look at someone’s appearance and judge them immediately based on what we think our significant other should look like.

 We all have this cute Hallmark fantasy in our heads of what we want our spouse to look like, right? Their eyes, hair, sense of style, number of Instagram followers…I could go on. We are so focused on their outward appearance at times that we are unable to see past what they look like to who they really are; their attributes that are hidden like a heart of gold and a strong character. This breaks my heart, and it happens all of the time for guys and girls alike. 

 Now maybe you’re wondering, “What even is a type”? I’ve wondered the same thing. I guess you could call it a “preference”, but it’s more of an outward preference based on physical appearance. Usually when we say, “He’s not my type,” we aren’t talking about his personality unless we’ve taken the time to get to know him. (That’s a completely different story!) When we say this, we are basing it off of our first impression of them and how they look.

Let’s be real, how shallow is it to deny someone a chance to love you simply because they don’t look exactly how you expected them to?

 Here’s the thing about the world we live in – we are so focused and driven by appearance. It is drilled into our culture starting at a young age. Unfortunately, we are the product of our environment. A child could be raised in a family that helped them to develop the greatest amount of self-esteem, yet they may still think they’re not good enough solely based on the high standards of society. They wouldn’t see themselves the way their family sees them and especially not the way God sees them. If we aren’t able to see ourselves the way God sees us, how can we truly see others the way God sees them. We’ll begin to scrutinize every detail about them the same way we pick a part and try to perfect every detail about ourselves.

 The irony of it all is that most married people I’ve talked to have told me they didn’t end up marrying their “type” – not even close. For example, my parents weren’t even attracted to each other before they started dating (that’s a whole other blog). This is a huge reason why I’ve completely written off the idea of having a “type”. I know that God has a sense of humor, and whoever my spouse is; he will probably be nothing like I expect him to be.  

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I met a guy once, and in my eyes he was exactly my type. Like, it was almost scary. After things didn’t work out, I realized that it’s hard to have a “type”. Don’t get me wrong, there needs to be some non-negotiables. A few of mine are: he needs to love Jesus, coffee, and have the ability to put up with me all of the time. But I think that in the end, whoever you end up with will be someone who perfectly completes you. Someone that you wouldn’t expect to end up with in a million years – or at least that’s what I hear all the time.

 In my opinion the idea in our heads of what we think our spouse should look like will be quickly squandered the moment we meet someone who is completely the opposite of our type, yet somehow we fall in love with them. In those moments we realize that beneath the skin, is a person. A person who maybe we never thought we would love. But as we grow closer to them and get to know them for who they are, they just may become so much more attractive than we ever thought possible.

 Ephesians 3:20 tells us that our God is able to do exceedingly more than we could ever ask, think, or even imagine. So, while their hair color may not match the dream you’ve been dreaming your entire life, trust God with the details. He wants to do more for us that what we can begin to wrap our minds around.

 Another one of my favorite verses is 1 Samuel 16:7 it says, “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

 This is such a simple concept, but once it’s grasped, we will begin to change how we look at potential prospects. We’ll also begin to change how we look at ourselves.

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 If you get nothing else from this blog, I hope you hold onto these words. This simple phrase sums up the point I hope to get across.

 Looks are NOT everything!

 Now, don’t get me wrong, being attracted to your significant other is important in a relationship. But like I said, I believe that as you grow closer to that person and see them for who they are – their silly quirks and habits, you will naturally fall more in love with them and become more attracted to them. It won’t be something that is based on an emotion or momentary feeling; it will be a genuine attraction that only comes from falling in love with every single part of what makes up who they are.

 Let’s not be so focused on the way a person looks that we fail to see beyond their looks, and get to their heart. This is where a person’s true attractiveness and value comes from. Be cautious but stay open to the idea that just maybe God has someone out there that we may be overlooking because we’re busy searching for the wrong thing. Just maybe He knows us better than we know ourselves. And just maybe He plans on blowing our minds with the better half He has for us if we’d only choose to let go of our “type” and make room for HIS.

 You are all so beautiful, each and every one of you!  Thanks for reading!

   MJ

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