A Word from Kristian

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GUEST BLOGGER KRISTIAN KELLY:

This week we are so excited to introduce to you, Kristian Kelly. We met Kristian through IIID Tulsa, the young adult ministry we are a part of. Although we have not known Kristian very long she quickly made a lasting impression in all of our hearts. Kristian is an amazing woman of God and someone who has so much wisdom and insight for this season of life.  She is a beautiful example in how to successfully live life Unescorted!

Along with traveling the world for her travel website, www.travelchicks.tv, Kristian is a TV producer, a speaker, and lover of all things coffee. She believes in living a fearlessly, beautiful, extraordinary life. Check out her book, Sparkle, on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Sparkle-Kristian-Kelly/dp/1495140628 and start living your own extraordinary life!

Learn more about Kristian at:   thekristiankelly@facebook.com

XOXO,

Rae, MJ, & Sonia Dee

A WORD FROM KRISTIAN:

France was amazing. Everything I dreamed it would be. Full of life, fragrance, and beauty. In Paris we walked along the River Seine, passing stands where artists and bookseller offered up little tokens of their city to put on our shelves back home as a reminder of our journey to the city of love.

The cafes were filled with the most delicious pastries stuffed with chocolate, almonds, and even pistachio. A macchiato came in a tiny porcelain cup instead  of the venti size we get at our local Starbucks  (although I admit I did stop in at the local Starbucks one particulary chilly morning for a Venti). And in this leisurely city, they don’t bring you your check until you absolutely need it, and even then, seem surprised that you would be leaving so soon.

And yet, one particular night, as I sat in the hotel living room waiting for my friends to go to dinner, I found myself feeling despondent. You know, that feeling when the world feels amiss and your place in it? I was scrolling through one of my social media pages and noticed friend after friend who were newly “In a relationship,” “Married,” or had just had a baby.  

Hold up! I was being left behind! What was I doing with my life? Where was my man? Why wasn’t I “in a relationship”? Shouldn’t I be married by now? Why didn’t I have a family yet? My mind was spinning with all the opportunities I may have missed, things I could have done differently, and paths I could have taken.   

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Then suddenly, like the loving father He is, I heard my Heavenly Father say, “Kristian, stop! Look around you. You are right where you are supposed to be. This is the season I have you in and it’s a beautiful season.”

And he was right. While I was looking at my friends getting married and starting families, they were looking at me traveling through Europe with friends. I was in my own unique and beautiful season of life. I put my phone away and went out to enjoy a delicious Parisian dinner under the stars.

It’s funny, though, that no matter what season of life you are in, the lie is almost always the same…

“You aren’t where you should be.”

“I should be with the right guy at this point.”

“I should be married by now.”

“I should be completing my degree already.”

“I should be in that dream job I’ve been working towards.”

“I should be the one having a baby shower.”

Or…

“I should have stayed single longer.”

“I should have waited to have kids.”

“I should have stayed at my other job longer.”

“I should…I should…I should…”

But who decides where you “should” be in life?

Society?

Friends?

Family?

You?

When we measure where we are in life by those standards, there are a lot of differing opinions. But when we measure where we are by God’s standards, there is only One.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 “He has made everything beautiful in its time.”

Psalm 31:15 “My times are in His hands.”

When I remind myself of this, I am able to find joy in each season. God has a plan and I can trust his plan. He promises that it’s a good one (Jeremiah 29:11) and that He will finish what he started (Philippians 1:6). I won’t let the thought of where I “should be” steal my joy of the present. Today is beautiful. And for all the other things that I am hoping for, I have to trust that He knows exactly what He’s doing. I am exactly where I should be – in HIS timing.

Our next and last day in Paris I headed off to the Eiffel Tower with a renewed excitement and joy! To some, it may seem like just another piece of architecture in a touristy city, but to me it represented the desire I always had of coming to France. It represented hope, adventure and a dream fulfilled.

As I stood looking out over the city, I realized, “I’ve done it! I actually did it.” The thing I have been dreaming about for so long actually happened. I came to France, ate pastries, drank coffee in the cafes, spoke broken French, saw the paintings, walked the river and climbed the Eiffel Tower. I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this moment in my life.”

Maybe I’m not married yet.

Maybe I’m still working towards my dream job.

Maybe there are many more dreams in my heart just bursting to come to life.

But I’ve seen the Eiffel Tower.

And if I’ve seen the Eiffel Tower then everything else is just as possible, or as the French say, “uhn poss-ee-blah.”

It’s only a matter of timing.

Would You Marry You?

It was a beautiful morning; perhaps more beautiful than any morning she could remember. Laying on the bed – with the sunlight glistening on her face, she smiled as she savored the arrival of this day. She was filled with anticipation, excitement, and a few nerves. I mean, one should expect stomach butterflies on such a day like this – every woman alive dreams about this day. Every childhood fantasy, every late night girl talk, and every Pinterest board contributed to this moment of finally saying, “I Do.”

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The moments before her wedding were filled with people she cherished, memories she would never forget, make-up artists, curling irons, and Kleenex; lots of Kleenex. She kept trying to imagine what her wedding would be like from start to finish. What would her groom look like – would he be handsome as any other day or would he be extra hot because she is hyper aware this will be our first night, you know, doing it? Would he cry so hard that she would start crying too? Or would he smile confidently thinking, “Yep, that girl right there is mine.” Could her bridesmaids all make it down the aisle without tripping or smiling awkwardly? Would her flower girl throw out just the right amount of petals? So many questions and the surreal part of it was it would play out within hours.

This was no longer a distant fantasy – it was here – within minutes! The irony of this revelation is these last 30 minutes until she walk down the aisle seemed longer than the 27 years she waited to meet him. A knock on the door interrupted her ponder, her Dad came in and she knew by his tears and gentle kiss: the time had finally come.  As he grabbed her shaky hand she looked up and saw her sweet Daddy silently staring in adoration and unconditional love. You could tell he was reminiscing over the past 27 years just as much as she had a few moments earlier. He was working hard to be strong but his eyes continued to well up with tears. The music was a sweet mood in the background as he grasped her hand tightly and softly whispered, “Are you ready? I’ll love you forever my princess.” He gave her the most delicate kiss on the forehead and before she knew it they were in the middle of the wedding march.

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Time seemed to slow down and every step she took seemed more surreal than the last. She looked around and saw she was surrounded by loved ones standing in her honor and in awe of what a beautiful bride she was. All of the faces she saw: friends, colleagues, and family members, she took a moment to focus on them. Wanting to look at anyone but her beloved in fear that she would ruin her make up before she even made it half way down the isle. But the pull towards her groom was too much to stand: she needed to see him. As she gathered herself she looked down at her bouquet, took a deep breath and finally glanced towards the groom. But the groom wasn’t there, she was looking at herself. Suddenly, confusion came over her thinking, “If I am there, how can I still be feeling my father on my arm?” Panic started to well up – expanding in her gut, “Who is that women? Where is my fiancé? Why does she look like me?”

Now her knees were shaking and it was all her father could do to drag her to the Altar. In horror she looked around confused why everyone was crying tears of joy, no one seemed at all perplexed that her groom was missing and her apparently long lost twin was in his place. The preacher said with an authoritative tone, “Who gives this woman to be wed?” Her father immediately announced, “Her mother and I do.” He whispered in her ear one last time telling her how proud he was, only to leave her up there alone as he went to his seat.

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The person standing in front of her was not her fiancé. She found herself staring face to face with herself. Knowing this wasn’t right she quickly looked at her bridesmaids they all had tissues stuffed in their faces crying with joy. Finally she screamed,”This is not right! Who would want to marry themselves? I know myself, I don’t want to marry myself, my husband was supposed to complete me – fill the voids that the woman has, she can’t help me at all. This isn’t right!” Every strange quirk, character flaw, and insecurity gleamed in the eyes of the woman standing before her. And as the nausea sank in her stomach, a loud alarm rang throughout the church: BEEP BEEP BEEP.

It was 7:00am in reality and it was time for this nightmare to end.

As she rubbed her eyes trying to fully wake up from the nightmare, her stomach was still in knots by this lingering dream. She sat in bed wide awake replaying the image of her own piercing blue eyes at the Altar, and she scoffed at the thought of it all. But choked on the laugh as her thoughts began to race. As this profound thought developed in her mind she asked herself, “Well, would you marry you?”

Let this scenario sink in, does it scare you? Right now in your current condition could you marry yourself? If you stripped yourself down to the nitty gritty of who you are: your beliefs, values, morals and overall character – is that someone you would marry? Most of us can say yes, without any arrogance. But what if the tables were turned and you couldn’t include any of your positive traits, you could only base your decision on your character flaws – would you still marry yourself? The goal is not to magnify your flaws and downfalls, the purpose is to ignite a motivation and desire to grow and become better women – even the best of us have areas to grow in.

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This is not a difficult concept to grasp – be the person you want to marry, but how many of us are taking it seriously? As women – especially single women –  we love to nit-pick men, dissecting their character and physical traits; discarding what we don’t like and placing what we do in a collaborative list of what we want our “future husband to be.” HELLO! LADIES – expectations are important but if we want a king we need to become a suitable queen. We fantasize that someday he’ll treat us like a queen, yet we don’t properly prepare ourselves to treat him like a king.  So, you want a man with the fashion sense of a GQ model- then put some time and effort into the way you dress and the way you carry yourself! You want a man with integrity – well, when was the last time you lied? You want a man of God –  well, what does your own relationship with Him look like? This principal is simple – but it’s not properly emphasized in our singlehood like it should be.

The mission of Unescorted is to redefine singleness and if we ever want to see a change we have to be the change. Redefining singleness has to start by changing within ourselves. So, ask yourself the million dollar question. . . “Would you, marry you?”  boom.

 

XOXO

Rae.xx & Sonia Dee